Of Marshwiggles and Kings
by Meddwl
Summary: Lucy is inspired to tell of one of Peter and Edmund's more embarrassing adventures after hearing of Puddleglum from Jill and Eustace. Interruptions, rumors and general miscommunication abound.


Another one-shot from my admittedly strange mind.

* * *

 **Of Marshwiggles and Kings**

* * *

"How long did you spend with this Puddleglum?" asked Lucy, more than a little amused.

"I am not sure exactly but it was a long time. He _was_ an old dear even if he was always saying that we would probably die of rare poisonous insects." laughed Jill.

"Or that there was bound to be carnivorous beasts with a special taste for humans named Jill and Eustace." continued Eustace.

"Or that there would undoubtedly be a flash-flood the next time it rained" returned Lucy.

"Exactly" said Jill and Eustace together.

"Wait, how did you know that?" asked Jill.

"I don't believe we mentioned that bit…" began Eustace.

"We didn't" declared Jill firmly.

Lucy just laughed at their confusion, "I was the Queen of Narnia for a rather long time, you don't think we just ignored the Wiggles and their problems do you?"

"No…" said Eustace doubtfully though he was still slightly in awe of his cousins as the legendary rulers of the Golden Age. There were rather a lot of stories he had heard on this most recent trip that he wanted further clarification on.

"But how would you know what Puddleglum said to us?" asked Jill stubbornly.

"I didn't. It was just a good guess, Marshwiggles have been predicting floods time out of mind. Just ask Peter and Edmund."

"Ask us what Lu?" came Peter's voice from the door. He and Edmund appeared laden with an assortment of nice things for tea. Everyone had been rather hungry after listening to what had become The Adventures of Jill and Eustace (Eustace privately thought that The Adventures of Eustace and Jill sounded better, but he did not say so).

"Yes tell us how we may indulge your curiosity in all things Narnian…" continued Edmund smirking.

"Actually" said Eustace quickly, "Puddleglum told us a story about you and a chap called Rabadash."

"The dastardly prince of Calormen?" asked Peter.

"Rabadash the Ridiculous?" asked Lucy

"The proud, bloody, luxurious, cruel and self-pleasing tyrant?" asked Edmund.

"That sounds like him" ventured Eustace, "What exactly happened?"

"The miserable fool thought that he could force our sister into becoming his wife…" growled Edmund rather ferociously.

"Lucy?" squeaked Jill. Up until that moment her apprehensions about meeting Eustace's royal cousins had seemed unfounded. Now she was not so sure. She took a rather large gulp of tea.

"No, Susan" laughed Lucy, "I only fought him in the Battle of Anvard"

"Oh"

"What happened to him?" persisted Eustace.

"He changed his mind" said Edmund shortly.

"Ed nearly beheaded him in battle" clarified Peter, "And then Aslan turned him into a donkey for a bit"

"So the donkey part is true?"

"Absolutely!" said Edmund smiling (Eustace was glad he was smiling again even if it was a rather terrifying smile), "I saw it happen myself"

"As did I" affirmed Lucy.

"I unfortunately did not" sighed Peter, "Though I would have dearly loved to have seen it."

"Why didn't you?" asked Jill her courage rising proportionally to the amount of tea she had consumed.

"I was away North, fighting a band of rebel giants who had taken it into their heads to go about flattening things."

Jill and Eustace shared a look, they were well up on giants and their numerous failings themselves.

"Peter! Edmund!"

"That's mother" called Edmund as he vanished through the door with Peter at his heels, "We promised we'd help her with some heavy packages."

"It will only take a moment" shouted Peter from the stairs.

"Back to the Wiggles" suggested Jill.

"Yes, the Wiggles" said Lucy, smiling in a rather mischievous way that Edmund insisted she had picked up from Reepicheep, "I met a few in my time. There was one called Rivergloom that used to come to the Cair with all sorts of disturbing rumors."

Lucy widened her eyes and adopted a rather good imitation of a Marshwiggle accent.

"High King, Queen Susan, Queen Lucy, I bring dire tidings. Strange insects with eight legs have been sighted, their webs may be deadly. I shouldn't wonder if they started a famine..."

"Hang it" interrupted Eustace (he still had trouble with some of the finer points of etiquette) "What about Ed? He was King as well as Peter, wasn't he?"

Jill almost missed the anger that ran through Lucy's eyes for a moment.

"Rivergloom never liked Ed'' she said shortly, "Not even after everything…"

Eustace decided that he was unlikely to hear more at the present and wisely refrained from pressing Lucy on what "everything" meant.

"I was lucky, I only had to deal with him every now and then. We used to draw lots for who would hear his complaints."

"What about other Marshwiggles?" asked Jill, "Were there ones who were even slightly cheerful? Puddleglum managed on occasion."

"You would have to ask Peter and Edmund about that" returned Lucy, "They know far more about Marshwiggles than I do. They once spent part of a summer with them…"

"Who spent a summer with whom?"

"You and Edmund, with the Wiggles. Don't you remember? It was our second year ruling wasn't it?"

Peter groaned and looked up helplessly as Edmund entered whistling merrily.

"Ed, Lu is telling them stories about us…"

"Lovely, Lu. Start with the one where Peter almost married that cranky giantess. _They_ just told us a story about giants and it's only fair that…"

"Ed!"

"Yes, my King?"

"Shut up!"

"I must respectfully decline in this matter."

"Very well, tell them how Ed fell off out of Cair Paravel's East Window."

"I was pushed…"

"You were clumsy…"

"Stop it! Both of you!" called Lucy, "Or I _will_ tell them about your summer with Rivergloom and his family!"

Edmund looked at Peter. High King Peter stared back at King Edmund.

"Definitely not!"

"You wouldn't"

Jill looked at Eustace. Eustace looked at Jill.

"Oh, please do" they begged.

"Long ago in the Land of Narnia, there lived two kings and two queens. Their names were Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy. They lived long in that land and ruled well and wisely, being dearly loved by their people. But at the time of this story they were all still young, almost children in fact.

Peter, the High King was tall and strong for his age, good with the sword…"

"But tended to rely on brute force rather than skill" muttered Edmund sympathetically.

Peter gave him a cold, stern High Kingly sort of look.

"Queen Susan" continued Lucy, "Was swiftly becoming known for her beauty and her gentle heart, she was brave as she was beautiful…"

"Wait, Susan is The Susan? Queen Susan the Gentle? Susan my cousin? Your sister?"

"Who else?"

"Oh"

"Of the younger two monarchs, King Edmund was an excellent swordsmen and a passable cook while Queen Lucy was decent with blade and bow and an excellent cook."

"I am a good cook!"

"One fine day in the month of Flowerbloom, a messenger arrived from the Northern Marshwiggles asking for aid."

"The two kings rode to their aid with all haste and having settled the matter rode back" said Peter.

"Finis" said Edmund.

"The queens thought that there was something odd about the request but their gallant brothers did not heed their warnings and so rode swiftly to their doom."

"They betrayed you?"

Edmund winced slightly, but Jill and Eustace were far too interested in Lucy's story to notice.

"No, they misinformed us…"

"The Marshwiggles had requested aid, saying that their Wigglings were in grave danger, what they failed to mention was that the grave danger was childbirth!" crowed Lucy grinning madly at her blushing brothers.

Silence.

Jill erupted into a fit of giggles about two seconds before Eustace began rolling around on the floor shaking with laughter.

Peter and Edmund blushed deeper, Peter melting into a rather attractive magenta while Edmund became a rich burgundy.

When peace and order had finally been restored (a long while later) Edmund spoke.

"Marshwiggles have _terrible_ communication skills."

"And to answer your original question" finished Lucy ignoring the death glares being leveled at her, "Marshwiggles are quite cheerful under the right circumstances…"

"Pregnancy makes them giggle" said Peter.

"So you spent a summer with pregnant and giggling Marshwiggles?" asked Jill.

"Unfortunately, yes." said Peter

"Pregnant, giggling Marshwiggles that expected us to deliver their babies." said Edmund glumly

"You didn't actually deliver them did you?" asked Jill.

"Of course not! Ed was thirteen and I was fifteen at the time!" protested Peter.

"It was still a horrible summer" said Edmund, "If I ever find out who started the rumor that the hands of kings are the hands of a healer…"

* * *

Writing this sparked several other ideas so I am sure that some of the trailing mysteries (such as Rivergloom's animus against Edmund etc.) will be addressed in the near future.

Please tell me what you think, or what you think Tolkien (and Ioreth) would think...

Shire Rose

And I know the formatting felt a little odd to me at least...


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